uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Randomize
