He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
