Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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