Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
