Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
