he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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