dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
