So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
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