Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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