I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
