He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
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Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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