It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
time to smoke my breakfast
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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