his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
