explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
