So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
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Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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