I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
