no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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