im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
