If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
