what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
