Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
