We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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