Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
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