He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
