Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize