The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
