Your dad touched me again.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
