If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
