Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
