We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
