I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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