Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
