yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
