im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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