Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You are the jesus of drinking
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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