Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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