yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
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