mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
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