google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
