god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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