my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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