I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
