I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
