38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
