I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
