Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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