You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
