I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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