Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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