The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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