I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
