There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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