Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
