every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
