one word: firstdatebathroomanal
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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