**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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