Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
