You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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