All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
