once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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