My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
